Wanna see me scrape myself off the ceiling? Imagine the horror when, just 5 minutes ago, I casually glanced down beside my chair and saw a BIG ASS spider... no not the itsy-bitsy ones, body about a quarter inch, total width maybe about 2 inches.

SPHINCTER MALFUNCTION !!!

Knowing myself, discovering these useful little beauties is only the beginning of a heart-stopping ordeal before... catching it...
As a nature lover I'm usually unwilling to kill anything larger than a fly... mosquitoes I will gladly swat because, well, they steal my blood... but spiders are not only useful, they're about the only thing standing in the way of global insect domination, so they're on OUR side... but did they HAVE to be so GODDAMN ugly, and crawly, and fast, and have eight legs and eyes? DJEEZUS...

So I take a plastic cup and an empty envelope, ready to trap it... IT RUNS... OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD IT RUNS... by now my heart is racing along with the spider, chills run down my back... finally I catch it and throw it out my window, two stories up.

*PHEW*

The one thing I've learned about spiders is, that when you make them fall, they spread their legs and hover down... quite fascinating... as a matter of fact, the further they are from me, the more fascinating I think they are...